Better Than Sex
Scroll to the bottom to see these incredible claps being demonstrated in video format, compliments of the spectacular, world-class boobies of the talented and gorgeous Minnie Peron!
Okay, so perhaps that's a tad ridiculous, but I am about to introduce you to something that will upgrade your stripping skills in a DRAMATIC way! I mean it. This is not hyperbole. This post is going to put a complete and total end to the vast majority of any wardrobe malfunctions you have ever encountered on stage. And of course, in our world, a malfunction most often involves an article of clothing NOT coming undone quickly and cleanly as visualized in our best mental run-through. Although, yes, we can also experience the Janet Jackson malfunction as well, and I promise you this post will solve that as well.
Before you set about elevating me to genius status, please reserve such accolades for my friend, fellow Vancouverite and international burlesque star, Ariel Helvetica. She will be grumbling that I shouldn't call her a star. But she is. Full stop.
(Jeeezus murphy... those legs of hers. Just Wow. )
What did she do that has me expounding so loudly? She has worked with international manufacturers to create the single most reliable, simple, clean, fool-proof, one-handed, affordable costume clasp ever known to stripper-kind.
I mean it. I'm so serious and excited about this product that I'm going to make you read that one more time.
She has worked with international manufacturers to create the single most reliable, simple, clean, fool-proof, one-handed, affordable costume clasp ever known to stripper-kind.
Think I'm overstating this? I swear I am not. Before I show you the photos and purchase information for these babies, which she has named Costume Quickies, I need to tell you that I purchased a small bag of these closures from her several weeks ago and used them on string bikini style bra I have worn in the past. In the past I had just tied them like I would at the beach, which frankly looked like shit on stage. Too messy. I couldn't use heavy duty snaps because (a) the straps are too thin, and (b) too unreliable. I tried large coat hooks, and those inevitably got tangled in my hair at the nape of the neck. I'm sure we've all been there, right? So I tried Ariel's Costume Quickies.... GAME CHANGER!!!! NO JOKE! Here are the advantages of these humble little clasps from my point of view.
1) Small, discreet, tidy. Easily concealed.
2) First and only clasp I have been able to undo with one hand with 100% reliability. Actually, I lie. I undo it with two fingers. Whole hand not even required. (I can't say the same for sex.)
3) It unclasps in under a second. A single freaking second, I tell you! (Again, with the sex.)
4) It's tactile. You don't need to find the edges of anything in order to undo these babies. You only have to locate the ridges on the clasp and squeeze. Even when I reached to the back of my neck and my hair was obscuring the straps, I easily and instantly found the clasp .
5) They can handle the pressure! Meaning, there is zero risk of these clasps coming apart under the strain of heavy boobs, juicy ass, hourglass thighs, or particularly vigorous choreo.
6) It makes your clothing reveals look positively magic! As in... "Hey!!! How'd they take that off?"
7) Currently they are available in three colours; red, white and black. The ever-entrepreneurial Ariel is working on expanding her range of colours including beige and brown as well as some others she's still exploring.
8) This is a female owned business designing from first-hand experience. She KNOWS her shit and the product does exactly what we need it to and more!
9) I feel like there should be 10 advantages to round out the list, so this one is just filler.
10) Ariel Helvetica is one of the nicest human individuals you could ever hope to support with your hard-earned burlesque dollars. And jeez. We all know that actually means something valuable these days!
So... the mighty COSTUME QUICKIES as demonstrated by Minnie Peron!
I know, I know. How does something so seemingly simple warrant such fanatical ravings on my part? Oh just try it once and you will be converted. I questioned if I really needed a bag of 75 of these babies, but oh yah. I did. I'm retrofitting every single costume and prop that has closures on it. I gave some to friends as gifts, who were also instant converts. Here's the link for y'all, and remember the prices are in Canadian $, so for anyone living outside of Canada, that makes these babies even cheaper with the exchange.
Go, buy them. Like right now.